You CAN Survive a Bad Manager
You're walking into the office with complete dread...again.
Have you ever had a manager who made you question everything you brought to the table? I did. And while it’s not something I’d want to relive, it taught me lessons I carry with me to this day. Here’s the story—and how I turned that experience into something powerful.
I was tremendously successful at my last job and landed at the media brand I had dreamt about for two years. The excitement was impossible to contain.
The brand.
The team.
The role.
The boss.
...all seemed promising.
It didn’t take long for cracks to show.
From the beginning, my manager treated me differently than the men on our team. At first, I tried to shrug it off. After all, everyone has quirks, right? Maybe he was just old-fashioned. Maybe it was nothing.
But it wasn’t nothing.
He gave the “big” accounts—the ones that promised growth and visibility—exclusively to my male colleagues and left me with small clients who had been inactive for years. [I ended up doubling my book of business in 8 months - to his suprise].
At the end of the year, we ran around Manhattan brining bottles of wine to our accounts. The men on the team each received a dozen bottles to hand out to clients. Me, the lone woman on the team, got 8 bottles.
In the sales meetings, he always asked the men on the team to take leadership positions on projects while I had to practically demand an opportunity.
The final straw was when John* spoke to me in his, condescending sing-song voice, the same one I heard him reserve for his 4 daughters many times over the months I worked for him.
My contributions weren’t just undervalued; they were dismissed. When I doubled my business in the first 8 months and outpaced the growth fo the entire team, he acted as if my dollars were worth less as a woman (maybe they were worth only $.80 on the $1.00)
This office environment isn't an anomaly, unfortunately it is prevalent in business. According to research by the American Psychological Association, 87% of professionals have experienced at least one toxic boss during their careers.
THE IMPACT?
US companies alone are losing $86 Billion a year from lack of productivity by affected workers. 60% of attrition is contributed to poor management. Don't forget an increase in workplace burnout and a decrease in innovation and creativity.
When we have a poor manager, it can feel like driving through a thick fog. You expect clear roads, but instead, your path is clouded by confusion and unpredictability.
So what do you do when faced with a scenario like this? Here are a few trips and strategies to consider
➡ What's the big picture: When we are faced with a boss like this it is easy to project all the accountability on them. However, in truth, often there are some things we can do to mitigate the situation differently. Become aware of yourself and your actions to see if they contribute.
➡ Focus on what is working: In times of stress and angst, we become hyper-aware of the negative. When you don't get accolades for the incredible project you created, when someone else on the team's idea is the one the boss picks. This can create a blind-truth. While your boss may be a negative, consider the kind of work you are doing, the new skills you are learning, the mentors you have access too. There are many layers to the day-to-day job.
➡ Advocacy is non-negotiable: I learned how to speak up, even when it felt uncomfortable. When I realized I wasn’t going to get a fair shot without advocating for myself, I started documenting my wins, speaking up in meetings, and making sure I was seen, whether he liked it or not.
➡ Be realistic: There are elements of every situation you have no control over, so instead consider what is in your power to control and double-click on it.
➡ Effectively overcommunicate: When we don't have a good relationship with our boss, we tend to avoid them or limit our interactions. While that may seem intuitive, it can lead you down the wrong path. Ensure you are doing the best work you can and keep your boss informed so he is 'in the know' and do regular check-ins to align his expectations with your output.
➡ Scale before combat: When we are in a heightened state, every situation can feel like its a 10. For example, if your boss doesn't let everyone know how well you did on a project, it can feel like a 10. If your boss assigns someone else a project instead of you, it can feel like a 10. If you're in a meeting and your boss diminishes you and talks to you in a condescending tone, it can feel like a 10. These are not ALL 10s, so make sure you are addressing what is a 7 or above. This will help you decide what to go to battle over.
➡ Matrix your relationships: Your boss may be your boss, however, are you building relationships and collaborating with leaders in other areas or people on other teams? While your boss may not recognize your contribution, do great work and it will shine in other departments. Find your champion, find a mentor and lean into that relationship.
If you’ve ever had a bad manager—one who made you question yourself, treated you differently, or failed to see your potential—know this: You can survive it. You are more than the limitations of someone else’s vision for you. That experience doesn’t define your story; it’s just one chapter.
And the best part? Every chapter has an ending.
